Saturday, July 11, 2015

What Day is Someday?

How many times have you doubted yourself and thought, that's a great idea but I ....can't, won't, couldn't possibly.  It happens to everyone every day.  It happens to me all the time.  Even the most successful people have self doubt. It's part of being human, we consider our options and then move forward or not based on our perceived risk.  

At my age (yes i just said that and now sound like a crazy woman), but seriously, at my age, you would think people would be a little less risk adverse, more willing to try new things, color outside the lines.  But I meet so many people who are afraid to try something new.  Sometimes it's because they don't have the right support system behind them, sometimes they are afraid, sometimes they lack the courage, sometimes they are lazy (and yes, I just said that too), sometimes they are tired.  

And yet, we read time and time again, about inspiring people who overcome enormous obstacles to achieve their personal goals.  What is it about these people -- people like Malala Yousafza, the Nobel Prize winner shot in the head because she believed that girls should be allowed to go to school in Pakistan. She began advocating for girls when she was just 9 years old.  At 12, she was shot for speaking her mind and almost died.  Most people would quiet down but not Malala, she has only been strengthened by her challenges.  She didn't listen to the people who told her to be quiet or that what she was doing was too dangerous.  

As a society, we love these stories, we thrive on the 'wow' can you believe that but how many of us given the choice, would choose to be that courageous? Many times, because of my own personal challenges people have told me about their own struggles and sometimes, I can literally feel like they are physically unable to move forward. They become so weighed down by their challenges that they are making themselves more miserable.  I wonder often why some people are able to overcome and others cannot. 

Some have genuine depression, some people I have met are too afraid to move forward and they live in a suspended state of shock that something has not gone the way they thought it would -- a job, relationship, health crisis, family, whatever. It's easier to stand still then walk.  Some people relive what went wrong, over and over and over again. I think it is the people who can win the battle in their heart every day to not obsess over the mistakes or the misfortune, that go on to survive, to thrive and eventually overcome.  I'm not minimizing anyone's challenges, some things are beyond our control.  Our control though lies in what we do after misfortune.  

I can relate to feeling overwhelmed the 'what the hell happened feeling' for quite a period of time.  I had three children under four years old with enormous challenges not so long ago, a business to run, and very little support outside of my husband. To say I was overwhelmed is an understatement.

I used to wake up in the morning and feel the weight of my life like a lead blanket preventing me from getting up.  But then a child would cry, the sun would come up and I was forced to get up.  I stumbled through this for a long time before I realized I had to start living again.  It may not have been the life I chose but it was the life I had.  I remember feeling angry for a very long time.  I remember feeling sad, lonely.  And I hated every minute of that.  I didn't want that to be my story, our story.

I realized that I owed it to myself, my husband, and my children to give them a good life.  It wasn't easy and it was in fact a long process.  You have to be honest with yourself.  You have to surround yourself with good people not people who are bitter or negative.  You have to ask for help.  You have that power to change the way you handle your life.  No one else does.  Sometimes I wonder what path my life would have taken if x, y and z hadn't happened.  I will never know.  I do know that I am happy now because I walked forward.  I don't skip around everyday thinking life is great but it's pretty darn close.  More importantly, I don't spend much time thinking about the past when the present is better.     

Make someday today.  Reward yourself.  Give yourself a break.  Eat ice cream. Smile.  Sing aloud.  Tell someone you love them.  Complete a task, a job, give yourself structure.  Set goals. Not someday.  Today.  

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